So Your Cat Wants A Massage?

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The newest thing in my life: Edgar.
1)  What is this cat massage I am hearing so much about?
2) Why did mom give a forties news reporter voice? This is what her friend said: "Edgah here, reporting to ya live from Lara's apatment. The kitty litta isn't what I am used to, but there is good eats.” They are crazy drinking their Jones soda and homemade pizza.
3)  Both of which I am not allowed to have. 4) Maybe if I refuse to eat hard cat food mom will keep giving me delicious treats and soft food. So far, so good.
5) I have toys but I lost them all, so now I guess I will chew on mom’s boots and school bag.
6) Jumping at faces is fun. Face attack!
7) Bellyrama!
8) Thanks mom for putting country music on while you are at school but stop. I don’t know who this Taylor Swift is, all I know is I just want her to stop what she is going at once.
I may be only six weeks old, but I am old enough to know that a scrunched up piece of paper isn’t a toy. I lost all mine, buy me some more.
9) What is this box of sand? Never mind that, I have to poop. The bathroom floor looks like a good place.
10) Maybe if I meow loud enough I will get picked up. Yup, works every time.
11) Hey, stop petting my face. Don’t you know there is a major whisker watch alert in place?




 

Why American Idol Doesn’t Deserve My Time

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The first episode of American Idol aired yesterday and I can’t say I was extremely jazzed to watch it, but I anyway. Don’t judge.
The main reason I wanted to watch it was because every year, it proves to be quite a laugh when the terribly singers come up in front of the panel and Simon rips them apart.
I was quite aware that there would be no Simon this year and two new judges, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler.
To my disgust, they weren’t good judges at all. J-Lo couldn’t say anything bad at all, and Tyler sat there, admittedly a tad funny, looking stunned half the time, and the other half shimmying around and throwing in his signature scream every now and then. 
Better luck next year Jersey.

I wanted to see auditions like this:




Other things besides American Idol that are not worth my time:

1)     Coupons.
2)     People telling me that I need to take down my Christmas/Valentine’s Day tree.
3)     Buying lamps.
4)     Trying on clothes in the dressing room.
5)     Movies with Ben Stiller in them.
6)     Sam Katz.
7)     Returning the clothes I didn’t try on even though they don’t look good at all.
8)     Glee.
9)     Making homemade bread.
Picking up the books on my living room floor. Face it, they are furniture now.

What crossed my mind watching the first episode of American Idol:

1)     Why do we need any more idols?
2)     Why is Steven Tyler doing this? Is he broke?
3)     Why is Jennifer Lopez doing this? Is she broke?
4)     This show needs some zombies.
5)     What does Randy Jackson actually do?
6)     J-Lo, just grow a pair and just say something honest (bad) about these brave (awful) singers in front of you.
7)     How is this show still on?
8)     When is Coronation Street on again?
9)     Out of wine. 

 

Zucchini is My Friend

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When I am not at school or doing homework, I usually watch a lot of Seinfeld. And when this happens, something to eat never hurts. So get up and open my fridge for the sixteenth time when I decide I will finally make something. A lot of times I decide on what I am going to make by what vegetables are about to go bad next in my fridge or look a little haggard. It just so happened that my zucchini was up to the plate. So I asked: zucchini, what am I going to do with you?

What happened next you ask? No you didn’t ask? I’ll tell you anyway.

Well I simply:

Grated one zucchini
Beat 2 eggs
Chopped a clove of garlic
Chopped some green onion
Added ¼ cup of flour
Hit that bowl with some S & P
And abracadabra, you got yourself some zucchini cake batter.

You might be asking yourself, now Laura, where will the fat come from?

Just grate some cheese while you’re at it and toss it right into the bowl and pour some E.V.O.O. in a pan and get that oil nice at hot.

ZUCCHINI ALERT: After you grate the zucchini put it in a cloth or some paper towels and squeeze to get the moisture out.

This is a lazy meal because it takes only minutes to prepare and fry. Top it off with some tzatziki and you’re gold. Gold!

Commence sitting on the couch watching Seinfeld.

I have since brought these to school for breakfast and shared them with my good friends Brian and Lindsey. They have told me they are enjoyable. Maybe you will too. Try making them, they're a cinch. 

What crossed my mind as I made these:

1) Am I that hungry to leave Seinfeld and make something?
2) What cheese should I put in, feta, marble, or provolone?
3) There is no way these are going to turn out; I should have just had Froot Loops. Should I abort this mission?
4) Attack & Release by The Black Keys makes for excellent zucchini cake makin’ music.
5) Wait, this actually looks pretty darn good. I am queen of the kitchen. Queen I say!
6) Emily would love these.

 

Laura Kunzelman With the Projecta!

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I said black coffee!!
Get me the Free Press.
I need five story ideas on my desk from everyone by the end of the day. Make that by the end of the hour.

For a few weeks now I have been playing news editor at the Projector as the real editors are away on their work placements. This very important job entails coming up with story ideas, assigning them, and editing them once they are submitted. Editing these pieces is the easy part, coming up with stories that relate to RRC is the challenging part, and don’t even get me started on getting students to write the damn things.

Now that I am a big time news editor, I can get away with a few more things. Things like, yelling and bossing around friends, family, babies, bus drivers, and total strangers.

What crossed my mind my first few weeks as news editor:

1) Now that I somehow secured the position, I am drawing a blank on story ideas.
2) I will get my friends to help me think of story ideas.
3) My friends have terrible ideas. Plan B.
4) I don’t think I have a Plan B.
5) I do have a Plan B, but maybe I should really have one that doesn’t include a bottle of wine.
6) How did I ever get all of the articles submitted?
7) How much longer can I fool everyone in thinking that I can be an editor?
8) It can only get better from here right? It was my first issue and it is bound to.
9) Always have a Plan B. With or without wine. Preferably with.

As much as I joke, I legitimately enjoy being an intern news editor and I have hopes of being an actual news editor at the Projector in my second year.

So go pick up a copy.
Do it.
Or I will find you.
And make you write for the Projecta.